Recovering from PMDD

I recently diagnosed myself with PMDD (pre-menstral dysphoric disorder) and went to my doctor armed with all my research and list of symptoms. It seems that we all need to "pre diagnose" before going to a doctor these days. Are doctors just too busy or are there too many illnesses out there now? PMDD is a relatively new disorder that alot of doctors don't understand yet. Anyhow, my doctor prescribed that I go on the 'pill' again - YAZ to be exact. Well, I have to say that I feel like a new woman again. It really is totally amazing at the difference in mood I am now experiencing. Let me explain how I got to this better and much more wonderful place.

I had been feeling 'not right' ever since having children - about 6yrs or so. I hadn't paid much attention to how the moods cycled until just recently, but looking back, that's exactly how it was. I would feel pleasant for about two weeks in the month and the other two weeks - watch out! I would be crabby, owly, bitchy and down right mean - it was PMS on steroids! I hated everyone and everything - including my children and husband. That really is not a very good way to raise a family. I would yell (at the top of my lungs) at my kids for various unimportant issues, then hide in the bedroom crying in horror at my outrageous behaviour. I was the one in serious need of a MAJOR time out, not my kids. I couldn't stand to be around my husband; just his breathing would piss me off. I couldn't stand to be around my own self. Kinda crazy heh? Well, I literally thought I was going crazy in every way.

I still feel awful at the possible damage I may have caused to my children for the hateful things I said to them; now I am doing damage control. At the time, I would tell my oldest that I didn't know what was wrong with "Mommy", but I was so sorry. I knew that something was wrong with me but I just didn't know what it was until I started doing research on the symptoms I was feeling.

It's a hard thing to say to your child, "Mommy needs to get some help".

I am definitely in a better place now being on YAZ. It's only been a month, but I haven't had one single "rage" moment and I am able to speak to my children calmly and I enjoy spending time with them now. It seemed like before I would try to control everything around me - kids, husband, life in general; I think it was because I couldn't control my own emotions. But now I am letting go of the reins a bit more. It really feels like the heavy dark blanket has been lifted from my head, letting me see the joy and happiness that has always existed around me.

I feel like I am in recovery and will always take just one day at a time. If I start to see any signs of rage again, I will definitely try something different, but for now things are good.

I will give updates periodically with regard to my progress or if there happen to be any changes.