Playing in the Neighbourhood

I want to know what happened to all the safe and friendly neighbourhoods of our childhood (that would be the 70’s and early 80’s if you’re all wondering). Now a days, we have to deal with scheduling ‘playdates’, making sure the kids call when they’ve arrived at the house they’re playing at (which happens to be only six houses away), continuously checking on the kids when they’re outside to make sure they’re still there.

When I was growing up, we lived along the coastline so I had the train tracks and miles of beach as my ‘backyard’. I remember leaving my house when I was about 6 - 7yrs old to play, and then I would find myself very far away from where I started. I’d wandered down the train tracks or beach, head down, checking out this and that. I’d see a pretty stone or shell and continue to look for more, when I finally put my head up and realized where I was, I would turn around and slowly meander back. There never seemed to be an issue of pedophiles or ‘creepy people’ in those days. There was this park that I’d go to ALL the time and it was probably a good four blocks away – I would walk, bike or roller skate there BY MYSELF!

My husband too, grew up in a town of 10,000 and was kicked out of the house with his siblings after breakfast and not allowed back in till lunch time or dinner time. They all played in the yard, street, other kids’ yards, in the neighbouring field, at the park – you name it, they were there. All his mother had to do when it was mealtime was stand on the front porch and call their names, and they would all come running. All the kids would play together little ones and older ones – together. There wasn’t ever anyone left out like there is today.

It’s a shame to call over to a friend’s house and have the parent say, “Sorry, but Susie Q already has a playdate friend over; maybe another time.” What is wrong with this picture? Are we setting our kids up to fail? Our kids aren’t going to learn how to solve problems within groups because they aren’t placed in those situations anymore, now they spend more time playing with one or two others not the whole neighbourhood.

Now, if my kids aren’t where I last saw them or I can’t hear them nearby, I will panic a bit and maybe even start calling the neighbouring kids’ houses to see if my kids ended up there. I have had to train my children to let me know if they’re going to someone else’s house so I don’t worry. It seems sad that the children of today don’t have the freedom of play like we did growing up.

I understand that neighbourhoods are vast and spread out now, and sometimes your child’s school friends are in the next neighbourhood so they need to be driven over, but seriously, most families live in neighbourhoods with other children in them. Can we not trust our neighbours anymore? Have we become impatient with other neighbours or their children?

I just wish we could all be watchful parents from a distance, and let the kids play in the block together, knowing that just because I can’t see or hear my children, they are safe and being checked on by another caring parent or neighbour. It’s just about knowing who lives in the neighbourhood and keeping a watchful eye on anyone that doesn’t look familiar.

Maybe someday. . . .

Recovering from PMDD

I recently diagnosed myself with PMDD (pre-menstral dysphoric disorder) and went to my doctor armed with all my research and list of symptoms. It seems that we all need to "pre diagnose" before going to a doctor these days. Are doctors just too busy or are there too many illnesses out there now? PMDD is a relatively new disorder that alot of doctors don't understand yet. Anyhow, my doctor prescribed that I go on the 'pill' again - YAZ to be exact. Well, I have to say that I feel like a new woman again. It really is totally amazing at the difference in mood I am now experiencing. Let me explain how I got to this better and much more wonderful place.

I had been feeling 'not right' ever since having children - about 6yrs or so. I hadn't paid much attention to how the moods cycled until just recently, but looking back, that's exactly how it was. I would feel pleasant for about two weeks in the month and the other two weeks - watch out! I would be crabby, owly, bitchy and down right mean - it was PMS on steroids! I hated everyone and everything - including my children and husband. That really is not a very good way to raise a family. I would yell (at the top of my lungs) at my kids for various unimportant issues, then hide in the bedroom crying in horror at my outrageous behaviour. I was the one in serious need of a MAJOR time out, not my kids. I couldn't stand to be around my husband; just his breathing would piss me off. I couldn't stand to be around my own self. Kinda crazy heh? Well, I literally thought I was going crazy in every way.

I still feel awful at the possible damage I may have caused to my children for the hateful things I said to them; now I am doing damage control. At the time, I would tell my oldest that I didn't know what was wrong with "Mommy", but I was so sorry. I knew that something was wrong with me but I just didn't know what it was until I started doing research on the symptoms I was feeling.

It's a hard thing to say to your child, "Mommy needs to get some help".

I am definitely in a better place now being on YAZ. It's only been a month, but I haven't had one single "rage" moment and I am able to speak to my children calmly and I enjoy spending time with them now. It seemed like before I would try to control everything around me - kids, husband, life in general; I think it was because I couldn't control my own emotions. But now I am letting go of the reins a bit more. It really feels like the heavy dark blanket has been lifted from my head, letting me see the joy and happiness that has always existed around me.

I feel like I am in recovery and will always take just one day at a time. If I start to see any signs of rage again, I will definitely try something different, but for now things are good.

I will give updates periodically with regard to my progress or if there happen to be any changes.